Your inner work of self development is a sure way to change what happens “out there”…
“To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of becoming, is the only end of life.” Robert Louis Stevenson
Welcome to the House of Insights, the place to come for self development resources, guides, information and ideas to be the best of what you are and what you’re capable of becoming.
About 25 years ago, I was anything but my best self; but I was painfully aware of how capable I was at feeling angry, stressed out, victimized, addictive and bitter. I was wallowing in a pit of emotional despair and the only future I could see was even more miserable and bleak than where I was… it was terrifying and I felt desperate to make some changes.
I just wanted to be happy.
The worst part was that as my moods, attitudes and behavior got worse it began to have a negative effect on my beautiful son, who was just about to start school – I realized that if I continued on in the same manner, in a few years time he would be experiencing the same feelings of pain and anguish and have the same depressing outlook; because that’s what I was teaching him life was all about. Can you imagine how low I felt? I hit an emotional bottom – there simply had to be a better way. And apparently no one was going to make these changes for me – it was all up to me. So I made my decision and got to work…
I didn’t have an inkling of what I needed to do to change my personality and circumstances, and self development was a totally new concept to me – but I was willing to try. Not being independently wealthy and a single parent, I decided that if I had to work it should be something I enjoyed doing and elected to give my creativity a whirl – I enrolled in design school and quit my bookkeeping job. Yikes! I said I wanted change, but what a change!
At age 35 I had to learn how to: juggle being a full time student; with being a full time single Mum; find and pay for reliable, trustworthy daycare (this was long before government subsidies); develop the discipline to study a minimum of 4 hours a night after a full school day; make a 50 km. commute twice a day and completely retrain myself to be happy!
A month or so after starting school, half of my funding was withdrawn – double yikes!! Now I had to do it all on half a student’s budget. Have you ever felt so cornered all you can do is close your eyes, jump in and hope for the best? That’s what I did…
At times I didn’t think I’d be able to pull it off, but I was determined to do my best to see it through. Taking the time for my personal self development seemed like a low priority but I noticed that although my stress was definitely not going down, it was of a different sort; this was exciting, challenging and exhilarating. I had no idea how it was all going to work out, but I did have faith that it would work out – if I could get out of my own way. That’s when I started to pray… it was also then that I realized that my concept of God was of a cranky old bugger from the Old Testament who was likely to smite me if I ticked Him off. It seemed like a good time to do some work on developing my own beliefs about the Almighty and decide for myself about where I fit in the big scheme of things – good thing too, because He came through for me then and continues to do so.
Self development brings real results
At the same time as going to school, I also gave up trying to find solutions in a bottle of wine, took up transcendental meditation, started painting and read every self development book I could get my hands on. With the pace I was going at and the work load (not to mention the pittance of funding) I realized that I needed to do everything I could to leverage my time, efficiency, coping skills and emotions if I was going to succeed in being happy. Looking after myself and taking the time for self development started to become more important…
The meditation, painting and sobriety gave me experiences of freedom and flow and I built on that while applying the principles in the self development books which helped me to gain confidence, to be more accepting and less judgmental and to see challenges as opportunities. It felt as though I’d been given a second chance at life .
After finishing school I did a bit of costume work for small dance and theater companies and then formed my own company and contracted out my personal skills in costume services to TV and film productions…that’s when thing really started to change; the money started to flow and grow, my relationships improved and I started feeling happy on a regular basis.
Things were looking up, but the long hours on set, the mega-egos and the demands of production schedules began to take their toll – once again, as I eased up on my self development practices, I could sense my peace and poise starting to slip.
So I got back to learning more and more about self development and continued on with regular daily meditation; soon my office became known and sought out as an oasis of calm amidst the constant crisis mode of filming. Like Lucy in Peanuts I found myself counseling a regular clientele of peers who would pay me 25 cents to listen to their woes and give a bit of chill-out advice. The more I learned, the more I could share and the more I shared the more I learned – what a dramatic difference in such a short time. Who could have predicted that I’d go from feeling alone and scared to helping others with their self development to overcome the same fears, feelings and doubts?
After nearly two decades of this I retired – my Mum was elderly and needed some help and the film industry no longer held my interest or passion. After she passed, I was surprised to find myself having to deal with some old issues that the grieving process brought up; and once again I seized the opportunity to do some in depth self development in the area of shadow work; to confront, own, process and release the residual bits of unworthiness, fears of scarcity and the need to be acceptable to others (at least that’s what came up then – who knows what’s still down there).
Which brings me to today … I’ve persisted and endured and passed through another layer of the underworld and now feel stronger, more grateful and blessed than ever before. There’s still plenty of warts, some scars and lots of room for personal improvement and self development, but for the most part I’m pretty happy.
Today I enjoy freedom from fear and worry (for the most part); I appreciate having a comfortable lifestyle and a lovely home(s) with a soul mate who’s loving, generous and encouraging… And my son? Still as beautiful as ever; kind and compassionate, quick to laugh, successful and healthy. I like what I’ve taught him and how to expect the best from life and himself – and I like who I am and what I bring to the table, especially being able to help others make a turnabout and like themselves too.
Now, this kind of story certainly isn’t for everyone – how I learned the self development practices that changed my life around required a lot of hard work, determination and the courage to do things differently. Anyone who’s still into blaming others for their miseries wouldn’t do very well with the material I offer … after all, it’s an inside job. But if you’re interested in making some changes in your life and want to learn some self growth techniques that actually work, send me your email (I don’t spam and never will) and I’ll pass on only the information that I believe will be beneficial in making a difference to your happiness and well begin. Check it out, you never know when a miracle’s waiting to happen…